Six

Oh, my love, 
it's an 
impossibly 
hard
day. 
Six years 
is 
an 
eternity 
and impossible 
to 
believe. 
There is 
no music, 
o poetry 
that can 
convey 
my love 
and 
my sorrow. 
My heart aches 
for love 
of 
you. 
I miss you 
and 
every moment 
is filled 
with 
tears. 
It is not better. 
My grief 
at the loss 
of 
you 
has not lessened. 
I send you kisses 
across the Veil 
and 
wait 
for you 
to 
come 
back 
for 
me.

Closer

The closer it gets
the more
I'm drowned
in
tears.
Everything
makes
me
cry.
The movement of wind
in trees,
the colour
of spring flowers,
all
those
things
are
but
a 
vast 
chasm 
of
loneliness
without
you.

Death

Death is not 
the end, 
best beloved. 
It's just 
a 
pause 
between chapters 
of
our
story. 

I love you. 
Always.

Starstuff

You're 
starstuff
now,
beyond 
my
reach
and yet
I will
continue
to try
to 
get
to
you
Someday
I
will
and we
shall dance
across
the 
night
sky
Until then,
I wait
in tears
and watch
for
sunset.

A million I love yous
At least a million, I know.
Counting how many moons
we were married. 
You loved to do that.
You said
my freckles and moles
were constellations
on my skin
and you wanted
to count them all.
Going out in the dark
to walk the dog
and howling at the full moon
with you.
Do you know
how hollow
the universe is
without you?
How many tears
have fallen?
I keep thinking
you'll walk around the corner
smiling
take me in your arms
and tell me
that everything
is alright
now.
Someday
you
will.
I wish
someday
was
now.

You

You were
air
to me.
It's hard
to breathe
with
you
gone.

I Wish

I wish
it was January,
far away from these empty hollow holidays.
You
were all my holidays
from Thanksgiving
to Christmas
to New Year's in our kitchen, 
even Epiphany.
Any excuse 
for a holiday,
bright bonfires
on the beach,
Christmas ships
singing carols.
With you gone,
this time of year
is ashes
and silence.
It's always
the darkest time of the year
in my heart.

The Now Of Life

Life is hard.
My love,
the dearest man in all the world,
my soulmate
died.
Suddenly.
When I was
at
the store.
A week later,
at his wake
I had a stroke.
Three months later
my father died.
The following year,
the friend who had taken on
the primary caregiver role,
died.
The year
after that,
my mother died.
And then I found out
that my "friend"
and his wife 
had been robbing my parents
blind.
So now,
I have a house
to get through 
probate
so I can sell it
A house
of my own
that
needs
repair
and no family at all
to help.
All
dead.
It's
just
me.
My heart
is a hollow
thing
and all
that 
keeps
me here
is not wanting
to screw up
being with my beloved
again.
It's
hard.

Tears

They say that
grief
is
love
with nowhere to go.
My grief
leaks
constantly 
from my eyes.
But 
I
have mastered
the art
of
weeping
without 
a
sound.
No keening,
no wailing.
Just
tears
streaming
down
in
silence.

Time

Time
changes
nothing.
Tears
are always
welling up
just
behind
my eyelids
and my throat
is tight
with
the keening
I cannot
let
out,
for I
might
never
stop.