Monthly Archives: December 2018

Still of the night

In the stillof thenight,whenthe worldsleeps,I cryfor youforusfor allthe timeI have to spendawayfrom youuntilIcan bein thosesweetarmsagain.Comebackformeplease.Soon.Now.

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I miss it, my love, the sound of your breathing in sleep, your heart beating next to mine. I miss it so much. I miss you. Goodnight, darling sweetie.💔

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Peopletellme,allthetime,it’ll get better.Give itayear,andyou’ll feeldifferently.Doesa personwho’s lostalimbgetbetter?Will a yearmakeadifferencetothem?The only differencebetweenanamputeeandmeis thatyou can seewhattheyhave lost.I have lostmy heart,my soul,my everything,and yet,I liveand lookwhole.This ismysin.This iswhatallowspeopleto decidethatI willget”better”.And all thosewell-meaningpeoplewho saythat it will”scar over”, thatyou’ll still walk,butwith a limpto rememberitby,simply do notunderstand.I walk.I … Continue reading

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I haunt cemeteries,empty churches,funerals.Ifindthatbeing among the deadbrings mefarmorepeacethanbeing amongtheliving.

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 I usedtosingmyvoice soaredinduetwithhis.He met mesinging.Butwithhimgone,IfindthatIammute,forthe musichastrulydied.

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Someone asked meto describethe smellofloneliness.It isabottleof his colognestill on a shelf,his clotheshangingallina rowin his closet,theflannelshirtof histhat I sleep in.It isthesmellof himwithouthim.

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Eight months.Yesterday.Today.Now.It’salwaysnow.

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When I’ve cried ’tilI’m drowning,when I’ve bledmy heart white,when I’m hoarsefrommy howling,willIfinallysee youtonight?

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