Nevers

Never
shall I hold that sweet body
next to mine
Never
to kiss your sleepy face
in the morning
Never
to hold
your hand
Never
to look into
those blue eyes
My heart
my soul
my life
exist only
within
a black
plastic
box
of
ashes.
Posted in Death, grief, longing | Leave a comment

Missing You

Nothing's changed.
Almost
3
years
since that morning
I kissed you
and went 
shopping.
3
years
since
I
came home
to
find
you
dead.
It's 
been
an
eternity.
It's
been
yesterday.
It's
been
an
eye blink.
It's
now.
It's
still
always
now.
I
miss
you.
Posted in Death, grief, longing, love, Sorrow, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

one

The sound
of
one
heart
beating
where 
there
should
be
two.
In this
empty
house
there
is
just
one
heart
beating
but not 
truly
alive.
For that,
I
need
you
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Without you

Without 
you
everything
is
ashes.
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I miss you.

I miss you
as much
as
ever
as deep
as
ever
and
every
minute
is 
one
less
minute
without
you. 
Posted in grief, longing, love | Leave a comment

When Steve and I got back together, I asked him if he needed a room for a “man cave”. He said that he’d been without me for so long that he’d had all the “space” he ever wanted. So we were happy to live in each other’s pocket. Sometimes, he’d sit in the office and play solitaire on the computer, and I’d come in and kiss the top of his head. I’d give anything to kiss the top of that sweet head again, to have him back in my pocket. My heart was in his when he left. It still is. It always will be.

Posted in grief, longing, love | Leave a comment

Tired

I
am
tired
to
the
bone.
I
have lost
everyone
I
love.
Everyone.
And
yet
the
hits
keep
coming.
There is
no
rest.
I am
an
exhausted
shadow
wandering
on the edge
of
forever
and
wishing
I 
coulc
trade places
with
my 
dead
darling.
Posted in darkness, Death, grief | Leave a comment

Missing You

Every
morning
I 
wake
to 
missing
you.
I
pick
up
the pieces
of
my 
shattered
heart
and
put them
together
to
love 
you
better.
Every
night
I
shatter
all
over
again
missing
you.
Someday
the
pieces
of 
my
heart
will
be dust
and every
mote 
of
that
dust
will
still
love
you.
Posted in grief, longing, love, Sorrow, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Hell

Hell.
The
Orthodox
say
that 
Hell
is
the
absence 
of
God.
But
they're
wrong.
Hell
is
the
absence
of
you.
Posted in grief, longing, Sorrow | Leave a comment

Midnight miss yous

In the still 
of the night, 
when all the world 
holds its breath
for a moment, 
between the flights 
of stars,
of angels, 
I miss you, 
my love.


Posted in Death, grief, longing, love, Uncategorized | Leave a comment