Work

The universe gets in the way, you know? Some days, it’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. But the world doesn’t stop turning just because my darling’s dead. It should, but it doesn’t. And there’s taxes to file and chaos to deal with, my mother’s house needing repairs. And through it all, the sure and certain knowledge that it would all be infinitely better, easier to deal with, just basically okay if Steve was still here. A look, a smile, and I could breathe again, reset and start once more. Without that, I’m lost in a sea of despair.

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Genesis

I 
am
no
gentle
creature.
That
has all
been
burnt
away.
I am
the
black
and
fathomless
heart
of
a
dying
star,
a
black
hole
full
of
the
screams
of damned
souls.
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Missing

I miss you. 
It is 
as fresh 
today
the tears
as many 
as it
ever
was.
And
no matter
how many
people
are 
in
the 
world,
I am
ever
alone
without
you.


















Posted in grief, longing, love | Leave a comment

Ask Me

This
is for
everyone
who
asks me
how i am
am i
moving on
yet
am
i
happy
?
No.
Though
you
should
know
that
the
grief
has
changed.
It
is
sharper
deeper
more
painful.
it
makes
me
catch
my
breath
and
fall
to
my
knees
in
tears
it's
always
tears.
it
is
not
better.
it
will
never
be
better,
i
push
on
because
i
have
to
because
he
expects
me
to
but
it
not
better.
it
is
always
yesterday
it
is
always
today
it
is
always
now.
so
if
you
love
me
ask
instead
if
i need
a
hug.
The answer
is
always
yes.
Ask me.
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Anniversary

Another anniversary
without
you.
This
makes
two.
And I
am
such
a
broken
thing
without
you.
Can
we
have
the next one
together?
Death holds
no terror
for me,
as
long
as
you
hold
my hand.
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I
miss
you.
I
still
feel
the touch
of your
hand,
your kiss
upon my
cheek,
your
breath
soft and warm
in
my
hair,
the smell
of you
warm
in the
morning,
And
I
am
simply
a
puddle
of
tears
without
you.
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One

One
second.
One
minute.
One
hour.
One
day.
One
week.
One
month.
One
year.
One
horrible
gutwrenching
year
without
you.
It's
not
better,
and
I
don't
want
another.
I
need
you.
I
need
your
sweet
kiss
your
arms
around
me.
I
need
you.
Posted in Death, grief, longing, love | Leave a comment