Insomnia

I 
miss it,
my love,
the sound
of
your
breathing
in sleep,
your heart
beating
next
to mine.
I
miss
it
so much.
I
miss
you.
Goodnight,
darling
sweetie.
ūüíĒ
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Better

People
tell
me,
all
the
time,
it'll get better.
Give it
a
year,
and
you'll feel
differently.
Does
a 
person
who's lost
a
limb
get
better?
Will a year
make
a
difference
to
them?
The only
difference
between
an
amputee
and
me
is that
you can see
what
they
have lost.
I have lost
my heart,
my soul,
my everything,
and yet,
I live
and look
whole.
This is
my
sin.
This is
what
allows
people
to 
decide
that
I will
get
"better".
And all those
well-meaning
people
who say
that it will
"scar over", that
you'll still walk,
but
with a limp
to remember
it
by,
simply do not
understand.
I walk.
I put
one
foot
in front
of
the
other.
Because
I need 
to 
take
care
of things,
as
he
would 
want
me
to.
But
I
am
empty
hollow,
walking,
breathing
but
already
dead.
Do not look
to me
for
comfort.
I have
none
to 
give.
I
walk
and
I
wait.
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peace

I haunt 
cemeteries,
empty 
churches,
funerals.
I
find
that
being among 
the dead
brings me
far
more
peace
than
being among
the
living.
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Music

 I used
to
sing
my
voice soared
in
duet
with
his.
He met me
singing.
But
with
him
gone,
I
find
that
I
am
mute,
for
the music
has
truly
died.
Posted in Death, grief, love, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

loneliness

Someone asked me
to describe
the smell
of
loneliness.
It is
a
bottle
of his cologne
still on a shelf,
his clothes
hanging
all
in
a row
in 
his 
closet,
the
flannel
shirt
of his
that 
I 
sleep in.
It is
the
smell
of him
without
him.
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Now

Eight months.
Yesterday.
Today.
Now.
It's
always
now.
Posted in Death, grief | Leave a comment

Tonight

When I've cried 
'til
I'm drowning,
when I've bled
my heart 
white,
when I'm hoarse
from
my howling,
will
I
finally
see you
tonight?

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