'I love you'
skin to skin
mind to mind
than I have
to the heart
It’s about putting one foot in front of the other, because I have to. Because there’s no one to do any of this but me. But oh, my love, I miss you. I miss that shoulder to lean against, your quiet strength.
The breaker’s blown and won’t show up ’til Thursday. The sink is clogged and I don’t have money for a plumber. And I need new back stairs. I need to finish my property tax exemption and no time. Mum doesn’t want to get out of bed any more and I don’t know what to do about that. And her lawn needs mowing, and Dad’s van needs selling, but it’s dead and needs to be charged. And there’s a garage and a houseful of stuff that needs going through and there’s no time. And worse, no you.
I see all of these people, stressed and exhausted from a few weeks of quarantine. Welcome to my world. Remember when you (and remember, this is a generic you, I am absolutely not singling anyone out here. In fact, I probably already blocked them) said I needed to get on with my life, move on, be happy? Yeah. Well this, what you’re going through now? The mourning, the stress, the exhaustion, the sleepless nights. That’s been my life since Steve died. The good news for you is that, at some point, quarantine will be over. For you.
As I sit here in isolation, I have lots of time to think.
The world, life, have always been full of all sorts of reasons to be sad. BUT, you know, when Steve was alive, we didn’t have time to be sad. We felt so incredibly blessed to have each other at last, that we didn’t want to waste a single second on being sad. So we didn’t. We cherished every single golden moment. And when the news was all full of pain, we turned it off. We watched a movie, watched a sunset, walked the dog and we reveled in the fact that we had each other.
It wasn’t just that we had enough, it was that we had everything. And that’s what makes it so hard now. I firmly believe that I’ll be with him again, and that’s what keeps me hanging on, not wanting to screw it up.
We all have to play the hand we’re dealt, but you need to appreciate the people in your lives, those priceless jewels of time. They can slip through your fingers like sand. We didn’t let that happen. Don’t you let it.
"Your soul is my anchor
I never asked to be freed
Well, sleep now, sleep now
Take as long as you need
Cause I’m just waiting for you
Waiting for you
I'll wait as long as I have to sweetie. Hope it's soon.
I love you. I miss you. Goodnight, baby.